Guest Review: THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (2009)

THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (2009)
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Screenplay: Brian Koppelman, David Levian
Cast: Sasha Grey, Glenn Kenny, Chris Santos, Peter Zizzo, Bridget Storm
Studio: Magnolia Pictures

McBeardo.com Guest Review by Corky Curtiss

The croissant-munching cognoscenti of the film industry are brimming with espresso-fueled enthusiasm for The Girlfriend Experience, the latest feature directed by Oscar thief Steven Soderbergh.

Clacking his lobster-claws with glee,Variety critic Ronnie Scheib described Soda Jerk’s straight-to-VOD feature as “a small-scale, digitally-shot chamber piece.”

Chamber pot is more like it. This dull pile of pretentiousness should serve as a cautionary reminder of what can happen when Hollywood yupsters green-light each other’s most insufferable and ill-conceived ideas.
Banking on the hype that surrounds bohemian porn phenom Sasha Grey, Magnolia Pictures wants you to know that this movie about a prostitute is actually “a drama about the fraught relationship between our professional lives and our personal lives in the age of post-crisis capitalism.”

Fraught with what?

For starters, The Girlfriend Experience is fraught with fruity, snooty self-indulgence. In the absence of a script or professional actors, the movie features a cast of Soderbergh cronies portraying variations on their own precious selves.

The co-writer of the film dons his Captain Romance cap as The Mysteriously Attractive John. Even better, the co-writer’s real-life personal trainer plays The Boyfriend, a brooding Pink Narcissus to Grey’s Scarlet Woman.

Grey narrates her encounters in voice-over, reciting an inventory of fashion labels in an American Psycho monotone. Her delivery of these inane diary entries is ripped from reality, exposing the clinical detachment of a professional companion. Either that, or Sasha just can’t read good.

The only authentic moments in the star’s performance are the ones where she is simply “being herself,” i.e., numb and porno nonchalant.

The other non-actors conspicuously choke on their own improvised lines in mid-scene. Even with the convenience of digital video at his disposal, Soderbergh couldn’t be bothered to shoot another take? Entire scenes are staged in static wide shots, like a lazy, low-grade porn video. But because this is A FILM BY STEVEN SODERBERGH, this nailed-down direction becomes a profound “style choice”.

It’s also worth noting the ridiculous, heavy-handed use of music in a movie that otherwise hums with blank digital ambience. These jazzy, snazzy moments include:

1. Pointless MTV-like montage at the end of the flick with limp-dicked “rock” music. The only thing this sequence illuminates is the theory that Soderbergh probably has a lame CD collection.

2. Gratuitous street musicians. “Steven, we simply HAVE to put these darling people in the movie - did you hear them? They have a song called ‘Everyone’s A Critic’! It dovetails preciously with the Glenn Kenny escort review schtick!

3. Gratuitous street musician drum solo. “It’s the rhythm of the city! The Man on the Street, banging out his beat against the monolithic towers of wealth! Look at this guy - he’s amaaaaay-zing! Let’s put this one in the TRAILER!”

The finished product qualifies as America’s Most Boring Home Video, meandering through a series of meaningless, poorly improvised scenes with no payoff. Soderbergh reshuffles the order of the narrative in an effort to be “challenging,” as in The Limey, but a nonexistent story isn’t any more compelling when it’s presented in a nonlinear format.

Not merely content to treat the economy as a subtext in the story of a $2,000 escort, the director encouraged his pals to yap aimlessly about Obama and the resale value of diamonds while the digi-cam rolled.

The movie’s haphazard commentary on the recession and presidential politics is simply an afterthought, thrown in during production and clumsily grafted to a thin premise.

“But you’re missing the point,” the enlightened hiss. “In Steven Soderbergh’s work, the conventional rules have been totally defenestrated. He’s playing around with ideas! And you clearly lack the intellect and sophistication to comprehend the Brie-scented ruminations of a digital age Bresson! This is a movie about disconnection, about depersonalized transactions and the problem of identity in a random-access era of post-crisis capitalism! This movie is, like, experimental and organic, taking on unexpected layers of meaning through osmosis. It’s far too rich for your palate, Corky Curtiss!”

C’est vrai, mes amis. I also don’t comprehend Twitter. Soderbergh seems to believe that the feigned angst of fictitious New York hedge-fund managers says something profound about the “pre-election zeitgeist” and the aftershock of “economic meltdown”.

How “verite”… if you’re a rich asshole. “Post-crisis capitalism”? Who said the crisis was over?

By the way, don’t expect to see Sasha perform any sex scenes; that shit’s strictly for the uptight wankers and their tube sites.

Remember, The Girlfriend Experience is not about sex. So don’t be surprised that a movie about transactions and commodities is a total rip-off.

*

Corky Curtiss is a freelance music and film writer. Like McBeardo, he’s a fan of Black Sabbath, Black Flag, and Grindhouse Releasing.

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