The Cunt: Ian Astbury Is a Clitoris. And, How!

ianastburydarkDid you ever despise something really intensely and then, think, This doesn’t matter, why am I getting so worked up over such nothingness?, and then that thing makes you remember where all the hate-froth came from in the first place, so you start despising it all over again?

Happens to me all the time. And this time, the object of bile is Ian Astbury of ’80s gypsy-clown fey-rockers, The Cunt.

Yes, I spelled the band’s name correctly.

Rarely have I had to think about Astbury or his Cunt, lo, these past decades, outside of occasional videos cropping up on the “Why the 80s Sucked” channel at the gym or stumbling across some multi-earringed, skirt-adorned, black-nail-polished Gothical misuse-of-testes outside the Damen Blue Line station.

custers1But then today I see a news item about Astbury adding documentarian to his checklist of anti-talents, as he’s making a film based on the tome Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide by Andrea Smith.

Astbury told Billboard.com, “It’s to do with matricide and how our culture destroys women, and how society still isn’t working for the woman. We haven’t been in a place where women have been in charge for thousands of years.”

Of course, this phallophoboic fever dream will be tinged with white-boy goo-goo reverence for Native American hoo-hah, as was The Cunt.

Billy Jack got this right. Astbury has not, and will not.

What does one call a version of a Wigger that’s British but condescendingly infatuated with American Indian lore2736803920_335514981b?

I know: a Bredskin.

The gender sensitivity angle only further invites fantasies of sodomizing Astbury with a totem pole.

“It’s great that Obama is the President,” Astbury continued to coo, “but he’s not a woman. I think Michelle would make a much better president, personally… I think a woman could do a much better job. Men just fuck things up.”

Yeah, tell us about it, Ian. Just go listen to your records. That ain’t a peace-pipe they’re sucking.


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Comments ( 1 Comment )

You and me are so simpatico, despite DRAG ME TO HELL. I was writing a review yesterday of this crappy Texas band fronted by a Brit, and wrapped it up with an insightful comment about how Ian Astbury used to wear a cowboy hat. Then I couldn’t find a pic of Astbury in a cowboy hat to confirm what I remembered…but that’s okay, since covering my ass set up a Neurotic Outsiders joke. Maybe I would’ve found that pic you used if I’d searched “Ian Astbury cunt.” I just didn’t want to deal with all the results I would’ve gotten.

J.R. Taylor said at Jun 02 09 at 8:19 pm

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