Numbers 80 to 71.
Samurai penis removal, tiny tits with towering nipples, Babe the pig nude, sci-fi fire-crotch strapped to a torture table, enormous naked nun knockers (imported from the country of the Pope, no less), awards-fixing daddy-daughter bathtub love, epic Nazi hookers, the sexy side of teen sex comedy abortion, and how to make 21st century adolescent Goth chicks flash their pumpkins at midnight movies.
The clothes come off, and the countdown continues ….
In the Realm of the Senses (1976)
Eiko full-frontally rides the Samurai sword of her lover man while choking him (about the neck, not the chicken).
• Realm is unique in the history of Japanese cinema as the most explicit above-ground work ever created on its shores. To beat the heat while shooting, writer-director Nagisa Oshima listed it as a French production and had the film processed in France, where on-camera dick-sucking, violent sadomasochistic intercourse and the ultimate Japanese taboo – pubic hair – posed no problem.
• Upon its 1991 theatrical re-issue, Realm received an NC-17 rating, and was rejected outright for a second time by censors in Canada.
On the set of a 1930s porn flick, Jessica lies flat in bed – and we do mean flat – with her mouth-wateringly massive nipples erupting up from her beautifully tiny breasts.
• Jessica is one of the grand dames of the first generation of midnight movies. She followed Inserts A-cups first as the leading lady in Phantom of the Paradise (1974), Suspiria (1977), Shock Treatment (1981), and Pennies From Heaven (1981).
• Jessica’s lipstick-on-milk-spigots topless scene in Pennies would not be rivaled until Elizabeth Berkley smeared her nips with warpaint as she goes to attack the Lurch-like rock star in Showgirls (1995).
• Inserts also delivers delectable boobs from Veronica Cartwright who, as Peggy MacIntosh on Leave it to Beaver, gave Beav his first kiss.
• The voice of Babe the pig in his two movie adventures comes courtesy of Elizabeth.
• Unlike the bulk of its teen sex comedy brethren, Valley Girl earned critical acclaim upon its release. Director Martha Coolidge went on to helm Real Genius (1985), Rambling Rose (1991), and the segment of If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000) where Michelle Williams makes nude lezzy sex with Chloe Sevigny.
Claudia is tossed in a futuristic torture lair, where silicone tubes filled with Christmas lights hang from the ceiling, and her boobs, butt, and red pubes look luminous as she frets about, confused.
• Claudia reigns forever as one of cult-moviedom’s all-time Tragic Queens. The ravishing redhead served as Playboy ’s November 1969 Playmate of the Month, and then Playmate of the Year in 1970. From there, she went on to a series of astonishing drive-in triumphs, culminating with Deathsport and David Cronenberg’s race-car thriller Fast Company (1979). Alas, on October 23, 1979, Claudia Jennings was driving her Volkswagen convertible when she got creamed by a van.
• Among Claudia’s iconic cult titles are The Love Machine (1971), Unholy Rollers (1972), Truck Stop Women (1974), Gator Bait (1974), The Man Who Fell to Earth (1975), and The Great Texas Dynamite Chase (1977).
• When Kate Jackson left Charlie’s Angels in 1979, Claudia was set to take her place on the primetime juggernaut but, fearing backlash over her nudie work, produced Aaron Spelling got cold testicles.
The Eroticist (1972)
Bedecked in full nun’s garb, Laura pulls down her top to reveal her Holy Mountains to a shocked member of her flock. Then she presents him with a rope and asks to be tied up.
• Throughout the ’70s and ’80s, Italian eyeful Laura Antonelli was a huge box office draw worldwide, including at grindhouses and drive-ins in the United States. Her most successful American endeavor was a 1980 double feature program of How Funny Can Sex Be? (1973) and Till Marriage Do Us Part (1974), which was promoted with the tagline: “Laura Antonelli’s got the two biggest hits in town!”
• Eroticist director Lucio Fulci is one of the major maestros of Italian splatter horror. His best known mind-bending chunk-blowers include A Lizard in Women’s Skin (1971), Don’t Torture a Duckling (1972), Zombie (1979), The House by the Cemetery (1982), The New York Ripper (1982), and Cat in the Brain (1990).
• The title The Eroticist is a comical cash-in, obviously, on The Exorcist, and Laura’s clerical (lack of) costuming also provides a nifty (and nipply) nod to nunsploitation films, as well.
Pia is quite the sight to see-a as she strips bare breasted-and-butted, slips into an old-timey bathtub, and gets scrubbed by Stacy Keach – who’s playing her father!
• Pia Zadora became an instant international super-celebrity during the 1982 Golden Globe Awards telecast when she, a complete and utter unknown, won the Best New Star of the Year trophy for Butterfly, a film that had not yet been released.
Immediately following Pia’s acceptance speech, TV commercials worldwide broadcast a commercial for Butterfly, igniting one of the truly great, outrageous trash-culture star-is born moments.
• As billboards of Pia shot up along the Sunset Strip, word buzzed about show biz that her husband Meshulam Riklis, an Israeli business magnate, had illegally paid for his wifey’s Golden Globe victory. Meshy maintained that the award came as an inevitable by-product of the talent, beauty, and grace that had taken Pia from her role as a space kid in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) to “Dubonnet Girl” on TV commercials for that treacly wine drink. The globe itself may never know.
• Pia’s Butterfly follow-up, The Lonely Lady (1984), is an even campier adaptation of a Harold Robbins novel in which our heroine
• Though it seems unbelievable today, Sheena, which also contains the bare tits of France Zobda on a massage table, was rated PG. Those were the days!
• Tanya’s she-Tarzan adventure is based on the ’50s TV series, Sheena: Queen of the Jungle. Original vine-swinging vixen Irish McCalla never appeared nude on the tube, but she did bust out her unbeatable chest in a pin-up pic.
• Although a cable classic, Sheena flopped at the box office, short-circuiting Tanya Roberts’ movie star ambitions. That worked out well for us as, in short order, she continued disrobing in direct-to-video movies, including the softcore Skinemax classics Inner Sanctum (1991) and Sins of Desire (1992)
Teresa Ann Savoy
Salon Kitty (1976)
Your Third Reich will rise again as you ogle Teresa in a fully nude line-up of Nazi hookers on display for their SS superiors. Don’t call me Adolf, but there’s no denying the power of Aryan vagina hair.
• Salon Kitty director Tinto Brass – one of the giants of European erotica – directed Teresa nuder-than-nude anew when she took the role of Drusilla, the Emperor’s incestuous sister, in the all-time coliseum-burner, Caligula (1979).
• While grindhouse audiences goosestepped to Naziploitation films such as Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS (1974) and more highbrow crowds enjoyed the arthouse putsch of The Night Porter (1974), Salon Kitty’s national socialist whorehouse epic created the perfect, uh, breathing space for both elements in one unforgettable, unbelievably fucked-up package.
• On her Caligula DVD commentary, Helen Mirren indicates that Teresa may not have been too bright. But, Helen repeatedly points out, she was absolutely lovely to look at and with an air of erotic beauty that was delightful in which to simply bask. Some might say that makes Teresa a perfect metaphorical embodiment of both Caligula’s Rome and Hitler’s Germany. Not me, mind you. But … some.
• Despite the heterosexual heat generated by Diane, both her Virgin leading men, Lawrence Monoson and Steve Antin, grew up to be gay. Next time you watch this movie, bear that in mind during the boner-measuring contest.
• Regardless of what fogies such as myself think of the movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera is the real cult movie deal.
I caught a midnight screening last year that was packed to capacity with screaming teenagers who knew every word to every song and who cheered and went ape-shit the entire time. Instantly, and very precisely, dating myself, I whispered to my date that night: “Jeez! It’s like the Bay City Rollers or something!”
• Paris Hilton, Repo’s leading lust-bomb, slips nip 23-minutes in, right as she grabs Bill Moseley by the schnuts. In terms of star power – and my uncharacteristic hyper-affection for Ms. Hilton – I wanted to honor that scene over Jake’s, but it is truly the teeniest of teat peeks.
• I am glad for what Paris brings to Repo! (her star power, her screen presence, her place where a baby drinks milk) and I am glad for what Repo! brings to Paris (goth cred, midnight movie cred, weird-kid masturbation cred).
Long may Repo! The Genetic Opera make a mess of theaters wherever there’s a college drama department nearby.
Check back on June 30, 2009, for the next installment of The Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes of All Time and, as always, refer back to the list that skinspired it all: Mr. Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes of All Time.
Just like in there’s a whole bunch of on display in the picture over to the right: See You Next Tuesday!