Pen(is) Pals: July 17, 2009

Incoming Dispatches from Friends of McBeardo

The other day on Twitter, I blathered: “The office DVD of THE SLASHER IS THE SEX MANIAC aka SO SWEET, SO DEAD is missing. Why is everyone looking at me?”

J.R. Taylor of the great Right Wing Trash responded with a classic marquee shot and an explanatory note:

“Since you just mentioned the film that’s on the marquee, I thought you’d like to see this pic of my own teenhood grindhouse, which I just stumbled across while preparing a short memoir on trashy Birmingham moviegoing….

As usual (but not always), I was able to skip the inner-city experience for this bill, since the same two films were also part of that weekend’s all-night marathon at one of the local drive-ins.

The Fair Park would host horror marathons; the Mustang would have sexploitation marathons.

I was writing about this place because a screening there was the first time I ever smelled crack cocaine.”

*

Then my email was simliarly blessed by this movie ad at left from David Sullivan of Grindhouse Releasing.

The fact that it’s in Riverdale makes me hope Archie really loaded up the jalopy for his maximum $3 worth.

Plus I got note from the mighty CPO Sinkhole, my former Gays in the Military bandmate:

“My love/hate relationship with Kelly Lynch starts and ends with her role as hectoring, porn-hating mom in the life-changing, Internet Porn-indicting, made-for-Lifetime movie Cyber Seductions: His Secret Life.

Seeing her two minute “PSA” at the end of the film, where she tries to talk viewers into getting porn counseling for their husbands - after she’s appeared nude purely for the prurient interest in, oh, about 105% of all the films she’s ever been in - is both bald-facedly hilarious and moralistically retch-worthy.

Movie’s no slouch either. It’s a heart-warming story of a boy who has the Midas Touch: everything he touches turns to porn. WebTV, his girlfriend’s PDA, random ‘internet cafes’ in the back of local convenience stores, the computers at the local libraries.

You name it…once our poor hero gets his sticky fingers on it, a trail of porn is left behind. Also, you’ll find yourself reciting the title of the titular porn website for days afterward: ‘Virgin Vaginas.’

If you ain’t seen Cyber Seductions: His Secret Life, oh please, do!!”

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