The Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes of All Time: #60-51

Celebrating the bare and the beautiful from movies weird, wondrous, and beloved by wackos.

Numbers 60 to 51.

British beauties abound, this go-round: Julie Christie, Susan George, and Jenny Agutter, to start.

And then there’s a smudging of the barriers between hardcore heat and R-rated raunch, with XXX legend Kelly Nichols bathing bare in The Toolbox Murders and Hollywood hottie Melanie Griffith dressing down - way down - to play porn-star in Body Double.

Plus Flatbush bombshell Jewel Shepard’s fuzzy bush, Screwballs, Stripped to Kill, and the delectably miniscule-mammaried snake-charmer Sabrina Siani in a gold mask and nothing else.

Plus … more? (I’m thinking that might add up to all 10.)

And now off with the clothes and on with the countdown….

Number 60
Julie Christie
Don’t Look Now (1973)
(0:27)
Julie’s nude in the bathroom, kicking off an extremely graphic sex scene with Donald Sutherland that plays out over the next three minutes.

• Donald’s slurptastic chow-down on Julie and her subsequent mounting of his Souther-gland has long been rumored to be the real deal.

• Other lure surrounding this convincing coupling is that Sutherland and Christie had met only moments before shooting it, as director Nicholas Roeg – who apparently came up with the idea on the spot – hoped immediate filming would alleviate any pressure, so that his stars could get down to the “bone” of the movie.

• Aside from studies of the sex scene whose intensity rivals that surrounding The Zapruder Film, Don’t Look Now’s most enduring contribution is the haunting figure of the little person in a red raincoat running along the Venice canals.

Among the many cultural outlets to reference this creep, typically in the form of some squirt in a red slicker hauling ass, are Hostel (2005), Casino Royale (2006), the remake of The Wicker Man (2007) and the trippin’ balls kids’ show, Yo Gabba Gabba.

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Number 59
Jewel Shepard
Christina (1984)
(0:53)
See Jewel tied to a table, whereupon her fleshly gemstones are licked lavishly by naked Bahamian honey Josephine Jacqueline Jones.

• Jewel is naked for 78 out of Christina’s 80 minutes! Get the swank DVD from the Private Screening Collection and verify for yourself!

• Clearly, then, Christina is the one title to go to when you’re counting on coming to Jewel nude, but the rest of her rollicking resume is chock full of mighty cult classics, including Zapped! (where Scott Baio telekinetically pops off her top) and My Tutor (where she deflowers Crispin Glover), along with Hollywood Hot Tubs, Party Camp, and Return of the Living Dead.

• If I’m So Famous, How Come Nobody’s Ever Heard of Me is Jewel’s snappy, hilarious 1996 memoir that recounts her rise to naked B-movie goddess status. It was also made into an ultra-rare film featuring fellow scream queen Michelle Bauer.

• Devoid of pretension, moral superiority, and insincere humility, If I’m So Famous stands as the perfect antidote to rank, disingenuous alt-cunt literary “stripper bios” by the loathsome likes of Diablo Grody and Lily Burainless.

Prior to her autobiography, in 1992 Jewel edited the interview collection Invasion of the B-Girls, in which she conducts Q&As with other legendary cult movie queens, including Kitten Natividad, Linnea Quigley, and Mary Woronov.

Since hanging up her birthday suit in 1995 with the documentary Jewel: Naked Around the World (which she also directed), multitalented Ms. Shepard has lent her writing gifts to numerous publications, including Premiere, Details, and Cosmopolitan.

• Like McBeardo, Jewel Shepard originally hails from Flatbush, Brooklyn!

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Number 58
Susan George
Straw Dogs (1971)
(0:59)
After toplessly teasing the gooney-tunes working on her roof, Susan’s ape-man ex-boyfriend backs her down onto a couch so he can pummel her with his unwelcome meat-hammer. Her cries say “No! No! No!” but her eventual mid-rape smile says: “Wouldn’t it be great if life really were like the movies?”

• Although shot in England, the British Board of Film Classification banned Straw Dogs twice – first upon its initial theatrical release and again, 20 years later, when it came to DVD.

At issue was Susan’s forced stripping prior to being mounted by the mook and, more pointedly, how she goes from horror to “enjoying” (the BBC’s word) the experience.

Producers stood their ground on this acclaimed meditation on manliness and revenge and, in time, Straw Dogs received its official UK OK.

• Director Sam Peckinpah is revered as a master of violent cinematic mayhem, but he’s no slouch in the skin department, either.

Among the lovelies to disrobe for The Peck are Stella Stevens in The Ballad of Cable Hogue (1970), Ali MacGraw and Sally Struthers in The Getaway (1972), Uschi Digard in The Killer Elite (1975), Senta Berger in Cross of Iron (1977), and Cassie Yates in Convoy (1978).

• Susan’s post-Straw-Dogs nudity career is a cult lover’s cream dream. She went on to the plantation exploitation madness of Mandingo (1975), the kinky threeway shark adventure Tintorera (1977), and the Japanese spook tale The House Where Evil Dwells (1982).

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Number 57
Linda Speciale
Screwballs (1983)
(1:15)
As class priss Purity Busch, the scheming lugs of Screwballs ceaselessly plot to get Linda topless throughout the movie. They finally pull it off – in every sense – when she takes the stage in their crowded school gym. Her outfit rips open, her breasts spill out, and the closing credits are projected onto her naked chest.

• Screwballs is, bar none, the most inventive and the most insane of the high-’80s teen sex comedies, eclipsing Joysticks (1983) and even Surf II: The End of the Trilogy (1984). Okay, maybe it’s tied with Surf II.

The plot centers on the bad boys of Taft & Adams High (yes, that’s T&A for short), who we first meet individually, after they’ve been nailed for some trangression and, in big block letters across the screen, the word DETENTION gets stamped on their heads.

Once corralled, these known schemers hatch a plot to strip nude – somehow, some way – stuck-up class president Miss Purity Busch.

From there, our heroes make madcap movie history, and never more uproariously than when Melvin Jerkovski gets his dick stuck in a bowling ball.

• “You don’t put five guys like that together in one room.”

Does that storyline sound familiar?

It’s the basic gist of Screwballs and my theory is that it was lifted wholesale – without credit, of course – by Academy Award winning screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie, who simply changed the title on his script to The Usual Suspects (1994).

In certain circles, some brouhaha arose over Thelma & Louise (1991) being an unacknowledged remake of Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988).

The Screwballs-Usual Suspects connections are even more obvious and galling.

• Loose Screws (1985), the sequel to Screwballs, is no slouch itself. Weirdly, it arrived on DVD years before the original meisterwürk, which we’re still waiting to welcome into the digital age.

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Number 56
Kelly Nichols
The Toolbox Murders (1978)
(0:22)
Kelly, who is quickly identified a lesbian, masturbates in her bathtub and gets interrupted by a masked massacre master. She leaps nude out of the water, and runs around her lesbian apartment with her boobs and butt and lesbian pubic hair freely flying every which way as the killer hunts her with his industrial nail-gun. Eventually, he connects. Right in her lesbian back.

• Toolbox Murders blew my 13-year-old mind in so many different directions, I paid long and proper homage to it on McBeardo.com, early on. You can read that piece here.

• Naturally attractive and appealingly accessible Kelly Nichols became a major hardcore porn star from 1980-1984. Previously, she served as Jessica Lange’s body double for the 1976 King Kong.

Kelly’s interview on Blue Underground’s great Toolbox Murders DVD could not possibly be more charming. She talks of the pleasant surprise and feelings of pride when she saw her image on the movie’s poster, how moved she was by the “Pretty Lady” country song that underscores her big scene, and catching Toolbox on opening night in her home town with her brother!

I really like that last part.

• After 25 years away from X-rated roles – during which time she became the porn industry’s #1 makeup artist – Kelly returned to hardcore performing in 2009. She stars in Tom Byron’s Seasoned Players 8, getting it on with famed filmmaker and swordsman Byron himself.

Noted Byron: ““It was great getting to stick my cock in Kelly again after all these years. She has always been a MAILF to me – Makeup Artist I’d Like to Fuck!”

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Number 55
Melanie Griffith
Body Double (1984)
(0:20)
Portraying porn star Holly Body, topless Melanie dances around a bedroom while Craig Wasson spies through a telescope from a neighboring luxury high-rise. The scenario plays out several times until a long-haired freaky-deaky with a power-drill storms in and ruins the routine.

• Originally, vintage XXX piece-of-class Annette Haven won the role of Holly Body, and director Brian De Palma intended Body Double to be the first big-budget Hollywood production to feature full-penetration sex on camera.

The studio panicked balked at both prospects, but Annette remained on-set as a technical adviser, and she appears in the awesomely ludicrous Frankie Goes to Hollywood musical number.

Be sure to visit Annette on MySpace.

• Among the other notables reported to have been in the running to play Holly: Brooke Shields, Jamie Lee Curtis, Carrie Fisher, Tatum O’Neal, and Linda Hamilton.

• Body Double should be great. It’s not.

The onslaught of pre-publicity regarding its pornographic explicitness and brutally sexualized violence built up an expectation for what seems like must have been an entirely different movie at some point.

Craig Wasson is good in the lead role but, by the time he showed up as the shrink in Nightmare on Elm Street III just three years later, it already seemed like he was making a comeback.

How – and who – did that guy fuck up?

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Number 54
Kay Lenz
Stripped to Kill (1987)
(0:23)
Kay plays a cop chasing a stripper-slashing psycho. She goes so deep undercover that she ultimately uncovers her naked tits while pretending to be a stripper. Her guise may be a ruse but the heat she generates from this, her first nudie-club performance, onward is the real deal. And so are her mammothly mouth-watering wonder-nipples.

• Kay Lenz married David Cassidy in 1977. She flew that Partridge’s pear tree in 1982, shortly after getting hosed (literally) by James Woods in Fast Walking (1981), and really entering her massive milk-spigots into the roster of all-time great tit-tips.

• Stripped to Kill was produced by exploitation leviathan Roger Corman and directed with offbeat flair by Katt Shea.

This marked Katt’s first time behind the camera. Previously, she appeared in numerous Corman productions and other drive-in fare. And occasionally, she got rather spectacularly naked.

• Check out Katt’s bare, buoyant B-cups in My Tutor (1983), R.S.V.P. (1984), Hollywood Hot Tubs (1984), and all chained up in Barbarian Queen (1985).

Katt’s big scene in Preppies (1984) – one of my favorite teen sex comedies, period – has her teaching watermelon-whoppered Lynda Weismeier how to demonstrate orgasmic ecstasy.

It would rank near the top of this list if the ladies were not glad in underwear. And it is so hot that, for once, that doesn’t even matter.

• As a director, Katt proved that there was more to her than that killer body. She certainly had a wild eye and a memorable means for telling screwy stories.

In 1994, New York’s Museum of Modern Art mounted a Katt Shea film retrospective, featuring Stripped to Kill, Stripped to Kill II: Live Girls (1989), Streets (1990), and Poison Ivy (1992).

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Number 53
Sabrina Siani
Conquest (1983)
(0:08)
In a gold mask, Sabrina cradles a severed head to her beautifully tiny bosom, then gets blasted with a laser-arrow right between those delicious titlets. But that only makes her - and us - stronger.

• In discerning which international blockbuster generated the greatest number of early-1980s Italian rip-offs, it seems to be a toss-up between The Road Warrior (1982) and Conan the Barbarian (1983).

Those are two monstrous, still influential classics by any standard, and what’s even more astonishing is that almost every single one of those spaghetti-splattered imitators they inspired 25 years ago is mind-roastingly fantastic.

Clearly, Conquest is patterned after the Arnold epic, but its one-of-a-kind amalgam of magic, muscle, and hyper-bloody mayhem comes courtesy of revered horror maestro Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The Beyond, Cat in the Brain).

Fulci packs his sole excursion into sword-and-sorcery fare with sexual spell-casting, laser arrows, werewolf soldiers, flesh-eating cavemen, zombies who resemble The Thing from The Fantastic 4 and, as a cannibal queen in a golden mask, topless Sabrina Siani.

Baring her juicy little body and chowing down big on even juicier body parts was nothing new to Sabrina. She made her nude debut in Spanish madman Jess Franco’s Cannibals (1980).

But(t) as lip-smacking as her tiny ta-ta’s are, don’t miss Sabrina’s surprisingly sizable seat meat, which she shows off in a thong in the comedy Incontro nell’ultimo paradiso (1982). Man, just look at that thing. BOOO-YAH!

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Number 52
Sherilyn Fenn
Two Moon Junction (1988)
(1:25)
Sherilyn stips completely bare and mounts the lap of a carny muscleman. He grabs her butt-cheeks, parts them mightily, and grants us open access to Sherilyn’s lusciously lickable anus. Kowa-bunghole!

• Let’s get straight to the (fragrant) point: browneye-girl Sherilyn shows us the place where her shit comes out.

In all of cinema, this is the greatest celebrity rectum moment.

• En route to her mainstream show biz breakthrough as oral enthusiast Audrey Horne on Twin Peaks, Sherilyn co-starred in an astonishing run of unique cult favorites other than just Two Moon Junction.

Consider: Just One of the Guys (1984), The Wild Life (1984), Out of Control (1985), Thrashin’ (1986), The Wraith (1986), Zombie High (1987), Crime Zone (1988) and, my favorite (which I saw at the Lyric on 42nd Street with the original Puppetmaster), Meridian: Kiss of the Beast.

• Two Moon Junction ranks among the most glistening crown jewels of its creator, lunatic softcore visionary Zalman King.

King looks like some mad French radical, but he’s actually from New Jersey (a plus in my book, any day).

As a young actor, King specialized in hothead TV roles. On the big screen, he carved out a unique place for his wild-eyed, long-haired visage, playing a narcoleptic biker who kidnaps schoolgirls in Trip with the Teacher (1975), the hero battling bald druggies in Blue Sunshine (1976), and Jesus Christ himself in the Resurrection-debunking mind-blower, The Passover Plot (1976).

• In the 80s, King stepped behind the camera, producing the kink classic 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) and Siesta (1987), where you can (and should) see Ellen Barkin’s naked vaginal lips.

After directing Two Moon Junction, King conquered the glossy, heavy-breathing “hard R” universe via Wild Orchid (1990), wherein Mickey Rourke is said to actually pork Carre Otis, and Showtime’s decade-defining Red Shoe Diaries, which made a sex star of Joan Severance, over whom I felt catastrophic disappointment when I figured out she had breast implants.

Ever the artiste, King also executive produced Susan Streitfeld’s trippy Female Perversions (1996). Come for the Tilda Swinton lesbian hammock scene. Stay and pay attention for Female Perversions‘ high weirdness.

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Number 51
Jenny Agutter
Walkabout (1971)
(0:57)
After Jenny and her kid brother get stranded in the Australian outback, an Aborigine boy guides them toward survival. When they get to an oasis, Jenny strips nude and enjoys a glorious skinny-dip.

• A Facebook group exists called “If I Had a Time Machine, I’d Go Back and Fuck Jenny Agutter.” I joined the moment I came across it.

Of course, Jenny is only 57 and still with us - and, as evidenced on her Official Website, as lovely as ever - so the time machine is unnecessary. It’s the second part of the sentiment that counts, and it’s an honor just to whack off over the prospect.

• A quintessentially British beauty with her upturned nose and adorable overbite and scrumptious, northward-pointing booblings that I like to describe as “snobby”, Jenny ranks among the upper echelons of cult film royalty.

Even beyond Walkabout, Jenny’s naked midnight movie resumé is as exquisite as she is: Logan’s Run (1976), Equus (1977), and An American Werewolf in London (1981).

• Walkabout director Nicolas Roeg is a cult giant as well.

To date, he’s given us Performance (1970), The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976), Bad Timing: A Sensual Obsession (1980), Eureka (1983), Insignificance (1985), Castaway (1986), Track 29 (1988), and Full Body Massage (1995) … as well as Don’t Look Now, which kicked off this installment.

Well, just call me The Bringing it Full-Circle Jerk!

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Try not to blow your fingers off over the Fourth of July weekend, as you’ll need them when we crack the top half of the Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes of All Time on Tuesday, July 7, 2009.

Don’t forget to obsessively check the list that skinspired my own mess here: Mr. Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes of All Time.

And re-re-re-revisit my previous entries, won’t you?

Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes: #100-91

Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes: #90-81

Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes: #80-71

Top 100 Cult Movie Nude Scenes: #70-61

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