Patty Duke vs Suspiria
How I long, even now, for such a creation as the Remco Movieland Drive-In Theater, complete with Lil’ Patty Duke as a pre-bipolar playmate.
Watching this warm, lovely TV moment also brought to mind the commercial that most profoundly affected nine-year-old McBeardling: a jarring, snarling, 60-second all-out sensory assault promoting the New York area premiere of Dario Argento’s Suspiria (1977).
As a committed insomniac from the womb onward (although, presently, on a Midwest schedule, just try keeping my peepers peeled past 10:30 on school-nights), wee-hour television made for an immeasurably important shaping force in my development.
Overwhelmingly, it provided all-out wonderfulness, as embodied by monster movies, Joe Franklin, and the classic suave-dude/roller-waitress spots for Brooklyn’s still-reigning roast beef sandwich champion, Roll-N-Roaster.
And then, for a couple of hot 1977 nights during WPIX’s 1am Twilight Zone reruns, Suspiria announced its Satanically deranged self, with a TV commercial that left me paralyzed and traumatized.
Upon first sight, the Suspiria ad so freaked me out that I could no longer watch TV, in fear of catching it again - which I did, subsequently, and then immediate fled the room with eyes shut and fingers in ears. Nor could I read or listen to the radio, let alone sleep.
And I’d still call that the most terrifying minute-or-so ever OK’d for broadcast airwaves.
But I got through it. Eventually. And, later, of course, I saw and loved the movie.
Still, I wonder what McBeardo might have grow up to be had mine been a childhood of toy drive-ins rather than shock exposure to the most sadistic and berserk of drive-in movies.
It echoes a question I ponder now, in my 40s, as I occasionally read and enjoy The New York Times, and then think back: “How would my time on earth be different if, at age 10, I had embraced this newspaper as a daily cover-to-cover read as opposed to The New York Post?”
Better? Worse? Semi-civilized? Who’s to say?
But what I want you to say, in the comments sections, is what TV commercials left you crippled with fright as a tot.
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Comments ( 16 )
[...] not get enough of Chiller Theater. It was the scariest thing ever broadcast prior to the petrifying shock-reveal of the Suspiria commercials, and it is a treasured [...]
McBeardo’s Midnight Movies » Chiller Theater Returns to WPIX on Halloween Night! added these pithy words on Oct 21 09 at 12:19 pmBeyond the Door. Freaked me out for a very long time. Still kinda creepy.
Scott Finnegan said at
Sep 15 09 at
11:26 am
I actually saw the commercial for BEYOND THE DOOR during daylight hours, hanging out with a couple of friends, and we thought it was funny.
I think we were watching HAZEL.
Had that ad come on after midnight, though, forget it. I’d still be petrified.
mcbeardo said at
Sep 15 09 at
11:31 am
Another vote for BEYOND THE DOOR as a classic trauma…and, for some reason, the commercial for a movie called W, with Twiggy being stalked. Considering the actual movie, that must have been some brilliant marketing. I recall the commercial for CURTAINS to be pretty scary for an ’80s campaign, but good luck searching YouTube for “curtains commercial.” For a potential future topic: TWILIGHT ZONE episodes were always a good bet for horror commercials, but I relied on the Saturday morning roller-derby show to see all the best stuff.
J.R. Taylor said at
Sep 15 09 at
12:41 pm
You know what works? Searching “curtains trailer” on YouTube…but it’s not the TV spots we got down South. Still, makes the film look pretty cool.
J.R. Taylor said at
Sep 15 09 at
1:13 pm
First thing I can think of is THE BEAST WITHIN…the 1982 movie. I had to be around 9, the commercial was like the trailer…started off with a text roll saying this was one of the most horrific and disturbing films ever made and they couldn’t show any tv footage…then BAM! they showed like a quick flash of something coming at you. Scared the crap out me as a kid.
Jason said at
Sep 15 09 at
1:22 pm
JR: In New York, the 11am and 5pm Saturday WWF wrestling was a great go-to spot to see the latest horror ads.
I loved those CURTAINS commercials and was old enough at the time to just think they were cool, not scary. I’ve never made it through the actual movie.
mcbeardo said at
Sep 16 09 at
1:24 pm
Jason: BEAST WITHIN was the first movie I ever saw on 42nd Street, as part of a double bill with HUMUNGOUS.
mcbeardo said at
Sep 16 09 at
1:25 pm
Rosie Grier’s guest appearance on The Love Boat caused my one and only nightmare of my childhood. And I shared a room with an insomniac who keep the reading light, AM Radio and TV on all night.
Fritz McSchlitzcan said at
Sep 16 09 at
6:55 pm
Man, that is a killer double feature. So not to hijack this thread just curious what a young Mcbeardo thought of BEAST WITHIN and HUMUNGOUS?
Jason said at
Sep 16 09 at
10:16 pm
Fritz:
I read the first line of your post and immediately thought: “Holy shit! My brother had a nightmare about Rosie Grier!…”
mcbeardo said at
Sep 17 09 at
9:37 am
Jason:
I’ve written at length in the past about my first trip to the Deuce, but I suppose I can dust it off for revisiting again in the future.
My cousin and I had time to kill when we were waiting to pick up his sister at Grand Central Station. Her train from DC was delayed for several hours. We walked up 42nd and, almost on a dare, went into the Lyric for that one-two punch.
I was terrified by the surroundings, and I loved them. And the movies.
mcbeardo said at
Sep 17 09 at
9:38 am
I remember that SUSPIRIA ad running during prime time also only because I was at my Grandparents apartment in Astoria when I first saw it and there was no way they’d let us kids stay up that late.
I assume it ran national as well, but I’ve only heard other kids from the Tri-state area speak of it as fondly as we do. It was the talk of all my friends and I in the fourth grade. Freaked me the fuck out.
John B said at
Sep 17 09 at
3:03 pm
The TV commercial for MAGIC is another memorably frightening ’70s trauma. THE SHINING commercial with the Overlook Hotel elevator doors opening and the ocean of blood kept me sleepless on New Year’s Eve 1979 into ‘80. Seeing the HALLOWEEN trailer before the movie came out was scary, as were the descriptions of the film from older kids who’d seen it.
Corky Curtiss said at
Sep 17 09 at
3:32 pm
Corky -
YES! I remember being freaked out by the MAGIC commercials, with the dummy speaking. I even remember what he said:
“Abracadabra I sit on his knee; presto-chango and now he is me; hocus pocus we take her to bed; magic is fun - you’re dead.”
Thanks for dislodging that memory.
Scott said at
Sep 17 09 at
6:32 pm
Those SUSPIRIA ads ran down South, and got me down to the Village East Theater that weekend for what my parents thought was another viewing of STAR WARS. I wish I could do justice to the CURTAINS marketing that ran down there. As I recall, it was just a card with the film title, a short snippet of one of the surreal kills from the movie, and then a shot of that creepy doll with the CURTAINS graphic. Made the thing seem like ERASERHEAD. There’s probably an interesting story to how a film with such a stylized body count ended up being so dull.
J.R. Taylor said at
Sep 18 09 at
7:07 pm
