REVIEW: Frank Henenlotter’s BAD BIOLOGY (2009)

BAD BIOLOGY (2009)
DIRECTOR: Frank Henenlotter.
CAST: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Mark Wilson, Tina Krause, Jelena Jensen.
SITE: http://www.myspace.com/badbiology

“I was born with seven clits.”

And so, with that clam-dinger of an opening line, Bad Biology kicks off with a metaphorical bang that is followed, in short order, by a more literal one.

After explaining her mutant mons Venus, the speaker, Jennifer—played by Hollywood-worthy pretty Charlee Danielson—picks up an unsuspecting sex partner, mounts him on the floor and puts her poon-of-many-protrusions to work on him.  The guy dies, Jennifer immediately whelps out a monstrous infant and, admonishing us not to judge her, takes off in search of more carnal prey.

The cue-card-caliber acting immediately signals that we’re at least partly in amateur country, but this amusing, grotesque set-up, exactly as it plays out in Bad Biology, might work equally well for an intellectual, Cronenberg-esque venereal nightmare or a way-too-dumb dumb-joke Troma bifurcation.

As it turns out, Bad Biology contains flashes of the former and admirably works to steer clear of the latter but, at this point, the presence of a pulsating, freely ambulatory penis puppet on a naked-stripper-impaling rampage can only invoke comparisons to The House That Repackaged Sgt. Kabukiman DVDs Built.

Bad Biology’s other main protagonist is Batz (Anthony Steed), a lone nut/chronic masturbator who, at birth, suffered an accidental penis extraction and has since spent his life in pursuit of chemically conjuring a replacement appendage. In that, he’s been successful.

So Jennifer has seven clits and Batz has a berserk, hard-flopping phallus that’s three feet long with a literal mind of its own. Destiny turns on the 35mm cameras (shockingly enough) and we watch.

From there, this long-in-gestation collaboration between director Frank Henenlotter (maker of the 1982 splatter meistürwürk Basket Case), and co-screenwriter R.A. the Rugged Man (a hip-hop multi-talent who once penned a consistently interesting film column for Mass Appeal magazine), works pretty good. Enough.

The script is literate and funny, although most dialogue is delivered by performers that might clinically be deemed “non-professional.”

Moments do crop up, here and there, that invite the pondering of larger themes along the line of sex addiction and the lasting effects of pubescent body-change trauma, but we get jumped back to dirty talk and bare boobs before any of that might take hold.

Weird touches like a vagina-face photo shoot and Batz’s lair full of antique Rube Goldberg whack-off machinery laid out before perpetually porn-playing TV monitors are effectively realized.

The nudity is copious and rife with formica-funbagged Garden State pole-dancers, but when it comes to Ms. Danielson’s Crunchberry milk-spouts and volcanically voluptuous Jelena Jensen’s uproariously gratuitous shower scene, Bad Biology’s up-close anatomy lessons attain passing greatness.

And Henenlotter proves, even with resources that were likely as limited as the flimsiest Shock-O-Rama pick-up, that he remains an enormously talented, miserably underutilized director.

The dick- and pussy-P.O.V. shots immediately grab more attention, but just marvel at Henenlotter’s montages of the faces of Jennifer’s bedmates simultaneously experiencing Little and Big Deaths.

Still, Bad Biology never quite caroms into anything greater than a momentarily beguiling direct-to-DVD cheapie.

The final film exists somewhere between the exquisite Teeth (2007) and the execrable Poultrygeist (does the year even matter?), but don’t take that to mean it’s like some combination of the two, or some sort of “perfect” middle ground. Bad Biology is its own unique, fitfully memorable experience. And it’s a good. Enough.

It seems oddly, even sadly fitting that Henenlotter, who made Basket Case with ambitions of having it run on 42nd Street and then had to be satisfied with its success as an arthouse midnight attraction, now seems to be aiming to make a midnight movie, and Bad Biology turns out to be just another eye-catching title at the Red Box machine.

And that’s good. Enough.

Today’s Red Box serves as the 21st century equivalent of a row of Deuce-esque exploitation theater marquees. Frank Henenlotter is, at last, up with the B-movies where he belongs.

By all means, next time you’re at your local DVD dispenser, happily and eagerly give the man and his new movie your single dollar support.

And may there be many more.

Browse Timeline

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• » Red Box Double Feature #1: BLOOD CREEK (2009) and ASSASINATION OF A HIGH SCHOOL PRESIDENT (2008)

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